Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Oh. My. God.

DISCLAIMER...this was post was originally written on August 31,2013...now that the cat's out of the bag, I figured why not share. Even twenty weeks later many of same emotions are flowing!

To the tiny little microscopic life frantically growing inside of me...it's your mom. I hope you can not sense the way I am feeling right now because if you can I'd imagine you're worried. I have no idea what the world is like in there, but please do not, for even one second, mistake my feelings for anything other than love...and fear...and nervousness. 

So, it's the hottest day of the summer, 2013. Dad and I are back at work and your big brother Cole was at Aunt Kathy's house for the day. This is a crazy time of year for our family since Dad and I are both teachers- we've been home playing all summer with Cole, but just this week we had to go back to work, so our lives get a little more frantic, and things become a little more chaotic. By mid-September we're back to "normal" and all is well. BUT, today we dealt with the hustle and bustle of going back to work for the first time in 2 1/2 months. 

I sat in an incredibly dull inservice- to the man's credit, my mind was elsewhere. I woke up last night, unable to fall back to sleep because I had a dream that I was pregnant...crazy, I know, but the truth. Typically Cole is in the car with me for my 45 minute commute to and from work, but since he was at Aunt Kathy's the car was quiet and my brain went back to last night's dream. Within 5 minutes of being home, I cruised upstairs and decided on a whim to take a pregnancy test. My gut said I'm pregnant, but my head was saying no way...Did I mention Dad's at work until 8pm?

Well, within 1 minute the test came back positive...I'm pregnant. A FLOOD of emotions came over me. It's probably what you're feeling right now...if you can feel at this point in the game. It's not that Dad and I were trying not to get pregnant, it's just that we weren't entirely trying to either...we were just letting nature take it's course. And. Well. It did. 

I'm drafting this because I have to get these thoughts and feelings out, but that will not stop me from doing whatever I need to to take good care of you. I'm also nervous about starting over in the Mom department. Your brother Cole is awesome and he'll love you, but the thought of going back to day 1, with a teeny-tiny baby frightens me a bit.

This news is fresh for me...like, I peed on a stick 45 minutes ago, so I know it'll sink in, but I wanted to get these thoughts and feelings out while they were fresh (and I had five minutes). I hope you're doing okay in there...I hope you're healthy...I hope you're developing well and that you're cozy. I will call the doctor in the morning and make an appointment. Boy will Dr. Sternitzky be excited! 

In the meantime, sit tight and we'll see you in about 36 weeks, although I'm sure I'll write to you again before then. 

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