Could I be a stay-at-home Mom? To be entirely honest, I am not sure. Some days I think yes, absolutely. Other days I think I'd go crazy. We're into week 3 of daycare and we're definitely still getting used to it all. Each week we've had something that has mumbled up the schedule...week one Cole got sick so he was home with me one day and Jim the next. Week two brought the monster snow storm of the century so school was canceled for two days and Cole could stay home with Jim and I. We're now into week three and so far it's been more successful than I would have imagined.
I know I'm fortunate...very lucky. Mom and Dad are taking Thursdays so Cole will get to spend some quality time with Grandma and Grumpa. Aunt Kathy committed to watching Cole one day/week starting at the end of February, so he's only going to Heather's three days/week.
I am prefacing this paragraph with the fact that Heather, or daycare provider, is amazing. She's patient, sweet, understanding of my needs and Cole's. I adore her. Yet, I am faced with butterflies every night I pick him up. I know the socialization with other kids is great, but sometimes I feel like there are a lot of kiddos there. I have to keep reminding myself that this is what she does for a living and she has a great reputation. Selfishly I just wish Cole could be home with Jim or I, or even with family.
I just want Cole to be loved, cared for, doted on at daycare. I want him to know that Mommy wishes she could be home everyday with him, but it's just not an option right now. It's so hard and it leaves me incredibly emotional most days. By the time we get home from pick up it's after 5pm. With Cole going to bed around 8pm each night, that doesn't leave a lot of time for hanging out. I miss him...a lot. I keep reminding myself that before I know it summer will be here and I'll have my days with Cole...who knows, by that time I may even be wishing for a day of daycare.