Thursday, December 9, 2010

Exhausted...

I'm exhausted...physically and emotionally. On top of that I'm on the verge of tears and Jim doesn't understand why I'm upset and doesn't feel I have anything to be worked up about. To some degree he's right, but I can't put my finger on it or explain it. It's not one thing in particular, I'm just feeling overwhelmed and somewhat sorry for myself. Not everyday, not every minute, but at this moment in time it's the feelings running through me. I'm nearing the end of my second week back to work, and I don't think Friday can come soon enough.

Being back at work isn't so bad, it's everything else...I'm struggling with juggling all of the other things I feel I need/want to get done when I am home from work- finding time to spend with Cole on top of grading papers, washing and preparing bottles, making dinner, cleaning the house, doing the wash, showering. Not to mention things I'd really like to do like exercise, go to dinner with my bowling gals, update my blog, shop for the holidays, organize Cole's photos...Most days I go with the flow and all is well, but for some reason today I am feeling overwhelmed and run down. I have it good...really I do. Cole is sleeping through the night, Jim is doing a great job with him during the day, and the days are going by quickly. What more could I ask for? Right?

Well, I'm not asking for anything I'm just venting. Everyone knows the holidays are right around the corner. For the most part, I'm really enjoying this season with Cole. It's been fun to decorate the house, dress him up in Christmas outfits, pick out toys for under the tree, but at the same time I feel like my family Christmas is slipping away.  I've always enjoyed spending Christmas Eve together and now it seems like fewer and fewer siblings will be together. Jim and Chris have never been in town for Christmas and now it sounds like Jen won't be there either. Just disappointing...It'd be nice to have her family at Mom and Dad's for Cole's first Christmas so the cousins can be together and I can spend time with Jen. Now that we all have kids, my siblings aren't really interested in doing the gift exchange anymore either. I guess that's fine. I don't really care about the present, but I've always looked forward to picking out something special for one of my brothers or sisters. I loved saying, "dude, I had you"... it's just a change I wasn't prepared for this year. I wish we would have done a gift exchange for the kids (cousins), but in all honesty it's not worth bringing it up...everyone seems to have their own thing going on and I just have to accept that. I can't really say much to Jim about this because Christmas isn't his favorite time of year and he doesn't think it's a big deal. It probably isn't...I'm just bummed out by the situation.

I guess I'm just tired and having an off day. I'm allowed. I would like to crawl into bed and call it a day...unfortunately I no longer have that luxury. Tomorrow's a new day and it's Friday...I'm sure by 4pm I'll be driving home with a smile on my face, happy it's the weekend. For now though, I'm down and out.

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